On Relationships And Douchebags

A good friend of mine went through a messy break up with a guy he is with out of convenience a few weeks ago.  Together with two other friends, I acted as a love doctor and helped him figure out what his next steps should be.  I really felt that he was in that relationship for all the wrong reasons and thus it was bound not to end well.  So I tried my very best to make him realize what he really wants in a relationship and how his search should be based on that.  We are after all not getting any younger so we should be seeing better men who we feel we can spend the rest of our lives with.

Perhaps he was not the only one I was able to convince.  I think my statements were so compelling that I was able to convince myself that I can make a living out of it.  My friends know very well that I have my own share of falling for the wrong guy.  Well, I was young once and I think I'm entitled to be stupid back then.

I remember my second boyfriend some 8 or 9 years ago.  That was during the time when MIRC is everyone's favorite past time and Friendster was king.  He was an officemate that I met through an MIRC channel for people like me.  After three months of dating, I never saw him again.  He quit his job, never responded to my messages, never returned my calls and his friends will not tell me what happened to him.  Talk about cold turkey!  After a few months, an office friend told me that a familiar face started courting him.  He knew about my ex so he gave me his number to confront him.  When I called the number and he answered, I introduced myself.  There was a long pause before he uttered, "hey babe, how's it goin?"  So after almost half a year of being estranged you still have the gall to call me "babe" as if nothing happened?  What a douche!

There was also this guy that I dated for a while who loves to make out every time we see each other.  Whenever we go clubbing, people would stare at us when we start locking lips and exchanging saliva.  We never really discussed the status of our relationship (or lack of one).  At that time, I felt that we were having so much fun so why spoil it with all the drama.  Alas, a day after another night of clubbing and making out, I was shocked to find out that he changed his relationship status in Downelink!  He even wrote a testimonial of his love and devotion to his new boyfriend.  Being young and stupid, I orchestrated the bitchiest pay back scheme ever, but that deserves another post.

I also had my share of dating psychos.  I met this guy some 6 years ago through Downelink (Friendster for LGBTs).  He was not really my type but he was such a sweet guy and I enjoyed his company so much.  I really thought he is a nice guy so I dated him.  Months passed and I remained happy with his company until he started inviting a common friend in our dates.  That went on for quite some time until my friend told me that the psycho guy started to court him.  I wanted to chop his head for double crossing me.  There is a reason why I call him psycho.  A few years after the double crossing episode, he tried to make amends.  I really thought he was sincere until he said that we should see each other like old times and that he wants to see and my boyfriend.  Sounds familiar?  That guy needs to have his head checked.

There were also a few guys who dated me just to make their exes jealous.  I remember having a steamy encounter with this guy, who turned out to be friends with with a couple of people from my circle.  Unfortunately, his ex was part of that circle.  So during one gathering, he started getting all sweet with me, making sure that his ex would notice his advances.  He even asked me out in front of him.  But of course, things changed when his ex was no longer looking.  Then there was this other guy who declared to his group that he is now dating me.  This happened shortly after his ex broke up with him.  After a few days, they get back together.  He ditched me right away even before our first date.

When I was younger, I felt the need to always be with someone.  I hated the notion of being alone and single.  Sometimes I would date men out of convenience.  Just because I cannot see myself eating in a restaurant alone.  Just because I do not want to watch movies on my own.  But now, things are different.  I am now different.  I learned that I can be in a relationship and be happy without so much compromise.  That I can find the man of my dreams.  That in order for me to be happy, I need to know what I want and look for it.

I guess that is what I want to tell my friend.  We have dated a lot of men.  Some of them might be worth keeping, but a lot them are just trash.  If we continue to date the wrong ones, then how will we find the one that will really make us happy?  It is not easy to find the right one for us.  That person who we really want to spend the rest of our lives with.  But dating all those douchebags should have taught us a thing or two.  Now we know which guy to avoid.

Credit goes to SingleGirlSurvivalGuide.com