Far And Away

I am in love with a guy I've only seen a few times.  Ever since I laid eyes on him, I have never known anything more beautiful than him. I started stalking him in Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and all other social media sites that he frequents.  He even has a photo album in my laptop that I use as my screensaver.

One can say that it's an obsession.  The kind that you have over the likes of Zac Efron or the guys of One Direction.  It is the kind of obsession that you day dream about every time you get a chance.  But it is also the kind that brings you to the reality.  That its never gonna happen.

They say all things are possible.  If you really want something, you fight for it.  Unfortunately, this is the kind of fight I know I will lose.  So I have conceded.  You are just so far away, literally and figuratively.  I can't see myself catching up.

Credit goes to TheHauteSpot.com

Christmas Season And The Irony Of It

Credit goes to FreeOnlineBlogspot.Com

Last Saturday, I was supposed to go to a party with my former colleagues.  I originally confirmed my attendance but when these anxiety attacks started to kick in, I just told a close friend of mine that I can't make it.  I did not give her a lengthy explanation and all I said is that I'm in a really bad place right now and I just can't let them see me like this.  My friend knows what I meant.  She knows that I want to be left alone.

This is not the first time I tried to shut myself from the outside world.  Before, I stopped seeing old friends and I avoided opportunities to talk to people about my condition.  I refrained from doing my usual activities and totally embraced solitude.  That is what I am doing right now.

Don't worry, I'm not going to commit suicide or anything of that sort.  I just feel so lonely.  This year has been a terrible one filled with disappointments.  The last few month were the hardest and what I think brought me to this point.  There is just nothing to smile and be happy about.  And I dont want people to see me miserable.  I feel like I've disappointed them big time.  While everyone else seems to be happy with their relationships, with their careers and even with the way that they look, here I am making stupid decisions with my career and my finances.  Being the under achiever that I've always been.  Heck I'm even an under achieve when it comes to my diet and weight management.

What's worse, the Christmas season is not helping me at all.  This is the first time I don't feel like joining everyone else in the festivities.  It's so ironic that Christmas is the season that compels you to socialise, rebuild ties and rekindle friendship and I chose to hide myself under a rock.

I have another invitation for a dinner party.  This time, with my long time college friends.  Some of them will be coming home from abroad so it is really a big deal.  I did not commit to anything yet but most likely, I'll ditch this one too.

I just want this phase to be over soon.  I want something to be happy about.  Something to be thankful for, something to celebrate.  Something that would make me feel that it's Christmas.

On Relationships And Douchebags

A good friend of mine went through a messy break up with a guy he is with out of convenience a few weeks ago.  Together with two other friends, I acted as a love doctor and helped him figure out what his next steps should be.  I really felt that he was in that relationship for all the wrong reasons and thus it was bound not to end well.  So I tried my very best to make him realize what he really wants in a relationship and how his search should be based on that.  We are after all not getting any younger so we should be seeing better men who we feel we can spend the rest of our lives with.

Perhaps he was not the only one I was able to convince.  I think my statements were so compelling that I was able to convince myself that I can make a living out of it.  My friends know very well that I have my own share of falling for the wrong guy.  Well, I was young once and I think I'm entitled to be stupid back then.

I remember my second boyfriend some 8 or 9 years ago.  That was during the time when MIRC is everyone's favorite past time and Friendster was king.  He was an officemate that I met through an MIRC channel for people like me.  After three months of dating, I never saw him again.  He quit his job, never responded to my messages, never returned my calls and his friends will not tell me what happened to him.  Talk about cold turkey!  After a few months, an office friend told me that a familiar face started courting him.  He knew about my ex so he gave me his number to confront him.  When I called the number and he answered, I introduced myself.  There was a long pause before he uttered, "hey babe, how's it goin?"  So after almost half a year of being estranged you still have the gall to call me "babe" as if nothing happened?  What a douche!

There was also this guy that I dated for a while who loves to make out every time we see each other.  Whenever we go clubbing, people would stare at us when we start locking lips and exchanging saliva.  We never really discussed the status of our relationship (or lack of one).  At that time, I felt that we were having so much fun so why spoil it with all the drama.  Alas, a day after another night of clubbing and making out, I was shocked to find out that he changed his relationship status in Downelink!  He even wrote a testimonial of his love and devotion to his new boyfriend.  Being young and stupid, I orchestrated the bitchiest pay back scheme ever, but that deserves another post.

I also had my share of dating psychos.  I met this guy some 6 years ago through Downelink (Friendster for LGBTs).  He was not really my type but he was such a sweet guy and I enjoyed his company so much.  I really thought he is a nice guy so I dated him.  Months passed and I remained happy with his company until he started inviting a common friend in our dates.  That went on for quite some time until my friend told me that the psycho guy started to court him.  I wanted to chop his head for double crossing me.  There is a reason why I call him psycho.  A few years after the double crossing episode, he tried to make amends.  I really thought he was sincere until he said that we should see each other like old times and that he wants to see and my boyfriend.  Sounds familiar?  That guy needs to have his head checked.

There were also a few guys who dated me just to make their exes jealous.  I remember having a steamy encounter with this guy, who turned out to be friends with with a couple of people from my circle.  Unfortunately, his ex was part of that circle.  So during one gathering, he started getting all sweet with me, making sure that his ex would notice his advances.  He even asked me out in front of him.  But of course, things changed when his ex was no longer looking.  Then there was this other guy who declared to his group that he is now dating me.  This happened shortly after his ex broke up with him.  After a few days, they get back together.  He ditched me right away even before our first date.

When I was younger, I felt the need to always be with someone.  I hated the notion of being alone and single.  Sometimes I would date men out of convenience.  Just because I cannot see myself eating in a restaurant alone.  Just because I do not want to watch movies on my own.  But now, things are different.  I am now different.  I learned that I can be in a relationship and be happy without so much compromise.  That I can find the man of my dreams.  That in order for me to be happy, I need to know what I want and look for it.

I guess that is what I want to tell my friend.  We have dated a lot of men.  Some of them might be worth keeping, but a lot them are just trash.  If we continue to date the wrong ones, then how will we find the one that will really make us happy?  It is not easy to find the right one for us.  That person who we really want to spend the rest of our lives with.  But dating all those douchebags should have taught us a thing or two.  Now we know which guy to avoid.

Credit goes to SingleGirlSurvivalGuide.com

What Would You Do If Tomorrow Is The End Of The World?

24/7 In Love posted a really intriguing question.  Say the world sees its end tomorrow, what will you do?  Would I find the hottest guy and lay in bed with him for the last time?  Or look for the one person I hurt most and ask forgiveness?  Perhaps spend it with loved ones and be at their side waiting for the inevitable?

I honestly do not know.  I might end up doing all of the above.  But I guess the bigger question is "does it really matter?"  Because when its the end, it IS THE END!  Of course, we can invoke a theological discussion but that would be a serious party pooper.

If I get laid for the last time, find peace of mind, and feel security in the company of loved ones, how will that change the experience of seeing the world's demise?  I guess it does not.  But what I do know is I surely do not want the world to end tomorrow.

Of Weddings, Dream Guy, And Zoren

I just finished watching Zoren and Carmina's wedding and as always, it made me teary eyed.  The romantic in me just can't help it.  I have witnessed a few weddings and the emotions brought by two people showing the whole world how they love each other and vow to stay in love forever overwhelm my tear ducts to the point of going ballistic.  Right now, Carmina becomes the envy of all single ladies (and gays) for having Zoren as her husband.  Normally, weddings are considered a "girl thing" but Zoren just showed how far a man head over heels in love would go to make her woman happy.  He just became everyone's dream guy.

All of us are looking for our own "Zoren" and we may have different ways of defining who our "Zoren" is.  I recalled a conversation over Facebook with a good friend a few days back about the qualities we are looking for in a man.  He hinted that I am the type who almost always go for the looks first.  Guilty as charged!  Well, I will not deny that I like a guy that is easy on the eyes.  Who does not?  But I would like to believe that the looks department is the one that entices me try a dish but what would me want to keep eating it and even ask for a second serving is something skin deep.

I want a man who is wise, who would offer a different perspective on life and would influence me to see the world the way he sees it.  Most of the time, I can not help but speak my mind.  I want a man who is bold enough to disagree with me and even win the argument.

I want a man who shares my interests.  Or even if he does not, he would still make an effort to show that he values those that I consider important.  I want a man who beats me in Tekken and even has the guts to tease me about it.  Someone who would ask me to teach him how to play badminton even if the only thing he does that comes close to a sport is "movie marathon."

I want a man who is supportive.  Someone who is still willing to be seen beside me after I have made a fool of myself.  I made a lot of stupid decisions in my life and I think I am bound to make more.  He should be ready to support my decisions and still be there as I face the consequences of my stupidity.  I consider myself fragile and I need a man who would be my "bubble-wrap."

I want a man who never fails to make me smile.  Someone who would understand my terrible mood swings, when I hate the world, when I hate everyone.  Someone who knows that only a tub of gummy bears would save the day.

My friend also has his own Zoren.  In the end we both agreed that our Zoren should be head over heels in love with us and that he should be very fond of us and it starts there.

Two years ago, I ended a three year relationship with a guy who I thought would be my forever.  He remains to be my greatest love though.  A man beautiful outside with a big warm heart.  A man who makes me happy not only in bed but also during times when the world tests my resolve.  A man so proud to have me by his side.  A man who would want nothing but to be with me forever.  But it did not work out.  Perhaps it just was not meant to be.  The decision to part ways broke my heart just as much as it broke his and it took time to gather the pieces and fix it.

That experience made me very cautious with the men I meet.  At my age, I want to find "the one" and the slightest hint that a person would not hit the mark makes me run the opposite direction.  I know it will not be easy to find what I am looking for but I know it is not impossible.  I found him once I know I will find him again.  The one person who will make me happy, the one person I would want to share forever with is just out there, waiting for me to find him.  My Zoren.

When You Are Halfway Up, You Are Also Half Way Down

I've been meaning to write about Paula Jaime Salvosa and the incident that earned her the ire of social media.  Unfortunately, I'm so distracted and can seem to gather my thoughts to create one coherent post.

Today was such a bad day for me.  I feel so down.  The other day, I was in Eastwood for an interview.  It went really well.  Those were the times when you can confidently say, "I nailed it!"  The interviewer gave me positive feedback that kept my hopes high.  So I showed up again for the final interview.  I really thought I'll be back in the game soon.

All my hopes went down the drain when the interviewer asked me, "you do know that you are over qualified for this, right?" That question made me confused until I told her the expectation that I have based both on their job advertisement and my first interview.  As it turns out, they were not looking for the position I was applying for.  Not that they were no longer looking for it, the position never existed in the first place.  Moreover, the specialisation that I was looking for was also not a match.  How can this happen?  I applied and got interviewed for an opening that does not exist.  Words cannot describe what I just felt: embarrassment, range, disappointment, pity all rolled into one.

Now I'm back to zero.  I know I should stay positive but it's just so hard to after all that's been happening to me lately.  Right now, I can only hope that things start to pick up soon.

Keep Calm and Call Your Friends

Sometimes you think the universe is conspiring against you.  I'm in a dark place right now.  Perhaps, this is what you call midlife crisis.  Right now, I'm not sure I know what I want to do in life.  I'm lost, trying to find direction.  After years of living a driven and focused life, a "career man" so to speak, now here I am trying to waste all of that because I just don't want to deal with all the BS that I'm used to facing head on anymore.  I just want to take a break and be lazy for once.

Yesterday, I finally mustered the courage to let my friends know about my latest ordeal.  I have to admit that I hardly open up to people, even to the closest of friends so this is really tough for me.  With the four of us sitting at a round table, cups of coffee infront, a sea of people as our backdrop, I dropped the bomb. As expected, they were all in shock as they never thought I would be in that kind of situation.  They were so amazed at how clever I made it look to them that I'm still going to work (two of them are actually my housemates).  I told them how much I wanted to have a break and not worry about work but I cant help but crave for monotony and routine and it pains me.  For the first time, I did something without a back up plan.  I told them how unsure I was of what to pursue.  Perhaps its the time I start chasing my dream and go the creative route.  Or suck it up and just continue where I left off.  The confession is an ordeal in itself, specially when people would often seek me out for career advice.  Looks like the tables have turned and now, I'm the one in need of it.

After they have said their piece, I still dont know what to do.  I'm still confused.  I still have this problem sticking under my nose.  But then, I realised that I knew better than that.  I was not looking for a solution to my issues.  That was never the intention.  Friends will not always be able to take you out of your misery.  At the end of the day, only I would have the solution.

However, friends exist to be there with you when you need them.  To be the shoulders you can cry on.  To be the ears who will listen when you think no one hears you.  To be your warm bodies when you feel you're alone in the cold.  I appreciate being able to tell them my problem when I know other people would have judged me.  I cherished having them on my side when the world seem to gang up on me.

At the end of it all I just want to know that I'm not alone, and it was very liberating to be able to tell them my story.  I almost chocked but I had to trust them to be the awesome friends that they are.  I should start trusting them more with the things that plague me, I owe to them.  And I'm glad I did.

A Beautiful Affair

Have you ever seen a person, in your eyes so devine, so perfect, you fell in love in an instant?  In that chanced meeting of the eyes, yours locked on to his and his does the same and you held back.  After a while, you held on to that feeling.  In your heart there will never be a moment more precious than that.  You became a stalker overnight.  Thinking that you've found the man of your dreams, the one who will make your cold nights steamy.  Then, in a strange turn of events, you realised you will never see him again.  The man who made you change the way you look at other men for the rest of your life.  All gone.

But you still held on.  Nobody has ever replaced him in your heart.  Every night you would dream about meeting him at the same exact place, your eyes locking onto each other.  That special moment is not only yours but his as well.  This time you dont hold back and seized the moment.  Now your greatest love is holding your hand.  You are laughing at the same jokes, sharing stories of how the two of you longed for each other over a cup of coffee.  In the morning, you talk about plans after work, while having breakfast that you prepared.  He raves about your cooking, your number one fan.

Unfortunately, the even the best dreams come to an end.

Meet Mr. Stewart

If there is anything that would hinder me from seeing the world, that is definitely is Mr. Stewart!  He is very needy.  Won't last a day without buggin' me.  There are times he would pull my hand and wake me up, just to prepare his food.  And even after long hours at work, he still have the gall to scream at me asking me to clean up his mess.  Despite all that, I still can't leave him.  He's just so cute!  He's just so sweet.  And the killer footsies that he gives... I just can't get enough of that.  If only I can take him whenever I travel.

Oh don't get me wrong, he's not some badass stay at home couch potato of a boyfriend.  Mr Stewart happens to be my 1 year old Persian kitty.  That mokong (crazy) of a cat just gives my day the color that it needs.  He's definitely a handful but he makes up for it with his sweetness and affection.  I got him last year from the pet shop and it was an easy choice for me.  When I opened his cage, he was the only one who excitedly climbed up my arms and held onto my neck while the others just snobbed me.  Clearly it was love at first sight.

One of his favorite spots is at the foot of the stand fan.  I dont understand why, perhaps because the vibration it makes can mimic a cat's purring.

Stewie also gives a killer footsie which is his way of saying its "pet me time."

When he was little, he would embrace my arms and just fall asleep.  Sweetness overload.

When I was still working, he would sense when I was about to leave.  He'd climb on top of my bag and would not let it go as if he wanted me to bring him to work.

He also has his moments.  There are times I would just wake up with scratches on my legs because he was trying to squeeze himself in between them.

But more than that, he's still my furry bundle of joy.  Who say's cats can't be sweet?

I Smell Christmas

It's about 50 days till Christmas and I can already smell it.

Decided to go to Market Market for dinner and a little chillin' before my week ends.  The street that leads to it coming from my place is still closed so I had to pass by Serendra first to get to my destination.  While walking I noticed a crowd of people taking pictures building up at the center.  So I rushed to find out what it was all about and as I get nearer, the site of a gigantic Christmas tree all lit and bright welcomed me.

I wanted to join the people and take a picture of it but the crowd was just to big at that time so I said, I might just catch it later.  And on my way home that's what I just did.

I had some difficulties capturing the entire tree at its foot so I had to crop out a good portion of it.  Yes, that's how tall it was (for an outdoor Christmas tree).  One thing I didn't notice earlier is that Serendra also has smaller versions of this tree around the area.



I have not noticed other malls put up their holiday trees so it's nice to see one this early.  According to SM Mall Of Asia, they will unveil their grand Christmas tree on November 11.  I'm certainly looking forward to that.

Christmas, you can definitely smell it already!

Oh, oh! Since I passed by Serendra, I just have to bring home my favorite treats!  Cupcake heaven!





 

What a way to cap of the weekend!

 

 

 

I Love You Daddy

[caption id="attachment_211" align="aligncenter" width="400"] Photo Credits goes to this site[/caption]

My dad died four years ago.  He had a tumor in his brain removed the year before and after that, his condition only took a turn for the worse.  Those were really the hardest years for the family.  While making sure we had enough money to take care of dad's needs, we also had to prepare ourselves for what's inevitable.

When he died, I cant help but feel relieved not for me but for my mom who had to give up more than my brother and I.  She never showed signs of weakness even for her age.  And for that I'm so proud to have the strongest woman on earth as my mother.  But most of all, I'm glad that my dad's battle came to a close and it is time for him to rest.

It has been four years but it still feels like yesterday.  I miss him so bad that even the thought of him would make me cry. There are times I would wake up in tears because I dreamt of him.  Oh how I wish those nights would come more often.

Even if I grew up to be a pain in the neck, I know he never stopped loving me.  I have disappointed him so many times.  Just being who I am and what I chose to be disappointed him.  But he was a very loving man.  That's how his siblings and friends remember him.  He would still give even if he ran out of stuff to give.  Despite his bad ass action star looks, he's such a softie when it comes to me.  I remember my mom alerting him of my presence in his hospital bed, nandyan na paborito mong anak (here comes your favorite son).

Perhaps if he's still with us right now, he would never allow me to leave the house and experience freedom.  He would still accompany me whenever I'm about to go somewhere for the first time, for fear that I'd get myself lost.  Maybe he'll still fix my shoe when it gives up on me or patch my shorts when I wreck it.  Maybe he still wont give me my own keys so if ever I need to come home late, I have no choice but to wake him so he knows I'm safe and sound.  I could only hope for those things.

I hope I was able to make him proud.  I'm not sure I did.  He never get to tell me that.  But what I know is that he never stopped loving us, loving me, and that's enough.  Even if I never got to tell him how much I appreciate him, I know he knew.

Ramen's On Me!

A ramen lover. Author of the up and coming personal blog “Prelude To My Midlife Crisis.” A thirty something guy who just wants to experience the things that he missed during his childhood. Travel, fashion, gourmet food, entertainment.

Yes I’m a real person.  Forgive me if I took the refuge of anonymity. In as much as I want to share stuff to the world, the real me just has low EQ and cant stand judgement from people dear to me and those I dont really care about.  The paradox called life.

When I was younger, I used to write a lot.  That changed when my life took a turn and decided it want’s to be all serious.  All memorable life event’s, death in the family, abusive relationship, career uncertainties, independence, all seem so hard to immortalise in the web. Perhaps I was busy taking life seriously.  Always thinking of what to do next, what will happen next.

And now I’m hoping to change that.  Hoping I could still bring back the old me.  Someone who loves life as it happens.  So I hope you guys can stick around and enjoy the ride.

Ramen’s on me!

[caption id="attachment_203" align="aligncenter" width="427"] The real Ramen Boi... In lead at least.[/caption]

You Are A Bitch, And So Is Karma

The first thing that I do whenever I go to a counter is to look for a line or the end of it.  I think for instances where transactions are queued, that is the most logical course of action.  It is beyond my comprehension why some people think they can just barge in as if their business is all that matters.

My return flight to Manila was through Cebu Pacific via the Kalibo International Airport.  Since I was a time freak, I was eagerly waiting to see preparations for boarding a few minutes before the specified time (6:40 PM).  At exactly 6:40 PM, the announcement came but it was not for boarding.  They asked us to re-check in because the flight that's supposed to carry us will not make it and they had to bump us in a different flight.  Having been used to these situations with CebuPac, I non-chalantly headed to the check in counter.  When I got there, there were two counters servicing one line each.  I went to the counter that only had three people ahead of me.

Alas, a sunburnt fatty bitch came and ignored our line to question the attendant regarding the changes in departure time.  We thought she was just there to ask her question but we got shocked when she handed her old boarding pass and stayed there.  I could see the shocked faces of the girl in front of me and her companion.  I could feel my ears turn red in rage as I want to smack that bitch down.

After the attendant returned the boarding pass of the first person in line, he collected the old passes of the rest of us and began processing them.  The girl who barged in shouted asking what happened to their boarding passes.  When the attendant refused to answer her, she started to make a scene screaming at the top of her lungs.  The people who she bypassed were hiding their smiles.  It's like we triumphed over a the sunburnt fatty bully of a bitch!

What's more satisfying to hear is when the other attendant told the screaming lady that they are processing the boarding passes on a first come first served basis.  Since there were people waiting in line before she came, they would process their boarding passes first.  And with that she directed the lady to the end of the line.  We can still hear her whining but for us, karma has just been served.

[caption id="attachment_127" align="aligncenter" width="412"] Photo Credit Goes To WalrusOyster.com[/caption]

Eat, Pray, Sleep

Sleep, this is something I considered a rare luxury when I was still working.  Weekdays saw me staying longer than necessary in the office.  When I get home, aside from the chores that I had to do, being online seems to take away a huge chunk out of my sleep time.  Weekends are not totally different.  In an attempt to unwind and not waste the days I didn't have to think of work, I stay up late and snatch just enough sleep to keep me fuelled for the night out.

Today, all I had to do was to sleep.  Had to wake up to pick up the laundry, feed my cat, and eat.  In between these activities were nice long deep sleep.  I know I should be doing other things and take advantage of my sabbatical but I just cant help it.  I missed sleep so much and now it wont be a rare luxury anymore!

 Photo Credits

Why The Boy Who Loved Ramen

The experience is painful in itself. Reliving it and telling the story is like cutting your wrist.  Alas, having to explain yourself and defending your course of action add salt to the wound.

Sometimes, you want to share what's happening to your life so bad before your heart bursts.  But you would rather keep things to yourself. You fear all the questions you may not have the right answers to.  The prying eyes you dont know how to evade.  While you have people who are itching to tell others your story like it is their own.

Who would not want to make the phone call where you can cry your lungs out and the person at the other end would just stay on until you decide to hung up.  Sometimes, all you need is an ear that will listen, a mind that will not judge, and a mouth that will not open.

Photo Credits

The Hiatus

This year, I started this blog to commemorate my 30th birthday.  It is not the first time I started a blog, I've maintained one during my younger days and managed to update it quite regularly.  Up until several years ago when I hardly find inspiration to write.  These bits of urges tend to dissipate whenever I get infront of my laptop.  All those nice ideas gone in a matter of seconds after opening my account.  So I decided to quit it altogether.

Its very had to believe that as I grow older, as I gain more life experiences, the less I wanted to write.  After going through three years of relationship bliss and heartbreak and several years of highs and lows in my career, I still could not find something interesting to write.

But recently, I decided not to quit but to but to consider that phase as just a hiatus.

It's quite ironic that the time I decided to end my hiatus from writing is also the time I decided to declare a hiatus from a different part of my life - my career.

Today marks my first day of being unemployed.  From the moment I stepped out of the university, I already started working and would have since then moved from one company to another without taking a break.  Usually, I had everything all planned out.  But this time, I left without a single clue what I'll do next.  So I guess I'll really bum myself out for quite a bit.

I'm lucky to have been able to save enough money to afford a break from work.  The thought of looking for another job has not crossed my mind yet.  Right now my priority is to enjoy my time not worrying about work and all the crap that it brings.  Hopefully, I'd have more time for things that I missed doing.

True Friends

I'd like to define friendship and judge my so called friends objectively instead of using my personal standards.  The society, to some extent have laid down a sea of criteria that can help you pick the real ones.  A true friend needs to be honest, loyal, understanding, respectful and thoughtful.  "Bro's before Hoe's," he does not ditch you just to give in to carnal desires.  He/she should not be "fair weathered" and be with you through thick and thin.  Puts you first before their own comfort and happiness.

By these standards, I fail miserably.  I try to live by these criteria and become the true friend my friends need.  I sometimes forget to be patient with my friends, forget their birthdays, force my views and opinions on them.  Then I realized, I'm not perfect.  Neither are my friends.

Instead of pulling my hair (what's left of it) trying to figure out how I can stick to the social constructs, I should just try to keep it real.  Continue to live by the golden rule and treat my friends like how I want to be treated.  Remain to be a positive influence.  I don't set too many rules and expectations and just let the friendship evolve on its own.

Photo Credits

Realizations At 30

Another year has ended for me.  Now I'm 30.  A real grown man.  And there really are signs that I'm starting to feel, think and act my age.

On the eve of my birthday, I decided to go clubbing with my housemates.  I can't even remember the last time I was in that club.  When I was in my early twenty's, I would frequent clubs, getting myself seen, wasted and laid.  One night would not be enough, I'd go to one club on a Friday and a different one on a Saturday.  During that time, I adored loud pulsating beats of house music.  My eyes would beg to see flashes and flickers of beams and lasers.  And I take pride on snatching the nights prized catch.

But last night that place was so alien to me.  I hardly go to clubs now.  My ears are about to explode because of the hard pounding beats.  The laser show was giving a migraine.  A few drinks made me want to throw up.  I had to call it a night rather early because I was so tired.

The clubbing scene and I had our falling apart when I witnessed how it messed up the lives of my ex as well as some of my friends.  I started to think that that lifestyle was a lifestyle of pretensions.  It's troublesome, expensive and harbors drug addiction.  As much as possible I tried to stay away from it.  The charm of seeing people all dolled up and the prospect of meeting possible mates still get the best of me so I still go to clubs every once in a while.

But it wasn't like before.  Moreso when I realized that the digits are starting to sink in, I know I had to give it to the younger generation.  It's time to act my age.  I'd much rather stay home and enjoy a cup of coffee.  Enjoy a good laugh with people who's approval matter to me.

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