Keep Calm and Call Your Friends

Sometimes you think the universe is conspiring against you.  I'm in a dark place right now.  Perhaps, this is what you call midlife crisis.  Right now, I'm not sure I know what I want to do in life.  I'm lost, trying to find direction.  After years of living a driven and focused life, a "career man" so to speak, now here I am trying to waste all of that because I just don't want to deal with all the BS that I'm used to facing head on anymore.  I just want to take a break and be lazy for once.

Yesterday, I finally mustered the courage to let my friends know about my latest ordeal.  I have to admit that I hardly open up to people, even to the closest of friends so this is really tough for me.  With the four of us sitting at a round table, cups of coffee infront, a sea of people as our backdrop, I dropped the bomb. As expected, they were all in shock as they never thought I would be in that kind of situation.  They were so amazed at how clever I made it look to them that I'm still going to work (two of them are actually my housemates).  I told them how much I wanted to have a break and not worry about work but I cant help but crave for monotony and routine and it pains me.  For the first time, I did something without a back up plan.  I told them how unsure I was of what to pursue.  Perhaps its the time I start chasing my dream and go the creative route.  Or suck it up and just continue where I left off.  The confession is an ordeal in itself, specially when people would often seek me out for career advice.  Looks like the tables have turned and now, I'm the one in need of it.

After they have said their piece, I still dont know what to do.  I'm still confused.  I still have this problem sticking under my nose.  But then, I realised that I knew better than that.  I was not looking for a solution to my issues.  That was never the intention.  Friends will not always be able to take you out of your misery.  At the end of the day, only I would have the solution.

However, friends exist to be there with you when you need them.  To be the shoulders you can cry on.  To be the ears who will listen when you think no one hears you.  To be your warm bodies when you feel you're alone in the cold.  I appreciate being able to tell them my problem when I know other people would have judged me.  I cherished having them on my side when the world seem to gang up on me.

At the end of it all I just want to know that I'm not alone, and it was very liberating to be able to tell them my story.  I almost chocked but I had to trust them to be the awesome friends that they are.  I should start trusting them more with the things that plague me, I owe to them.  And I'm glad I did.

Why The Boy Who Loved Ramen

The experience is painful in itself. Reliving it and telling the story is like cutting your wrist.  Alas, having to explain yourself and defending your course of action add salt to the wound.

Sometimes, you want to share what's happening to your life so bad before your heart bursts.  But you would rather keep things to yourself. You fear all the questions you may not have the right answers to.  The prying eyes you dont know how to evade.  While you have people who are itching to tell others your story like it is their own.

Who would not want to make the phone call where you can cry your lungs out and the person at the other end would just stay on until you decide to hung up.  Sometimes, all you need is an ear that will listen, a mind that will not judge, and a mouth that will not open.

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True Friends

I'd like to define friendship and judge my so called friends objectively instead of using my personal standards.  The society, to some extent have laid down a sea of criteria that can help you pick the real ones.  A true friend needs to be honest, loyal, understanding, respectful and thoughtful.  "Bro's before Hoe's," he does not ditch you just to give in to carnal desires.  He/she should not be "fair weathered" and be with you through thick and thin.  Puts you first before their own comfort and happiness.

By these standards, I fail miserably.  I try to live by these criteria and become the true friend my friends need.  I sometimes forget to be patient with my friends, forget their birthdays, force my views and opinions on them.  Then I realized, I'm not perfect.  Neither are my friends.

Instead of pulling my hair (what's left of it) trying to figure out how I can stick to the social constructs, I should just try to keep it real.  Continue to live by the golden rule and treat my friends like how I want to be treated.  Remain to be a positive influence.  I don't set too many rules and expectations and just let the friendship evolve on its own.

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